I guess this is goodbye, for a long time from the server still.
My life hasn't felt complete. Sure, I've successfully written a few fanfic somewhere, got 250+ followers on a website, had YouTubers favorite and retweet my posts on Twitter, but nothing's felt right anymore. A few of you guys know this already, but to those of you who don't, I have depression. My depression doesn't do that much stuff. I don't cut, or think about suicide... well, I think about it but have no intentions on doing so.
My depression causes me to stress out a lot. When I get stressed I begin to pull my hair out, one by one, making it difficult for me to fight off the depression when my hair is so uneven. My depression gives me the usuals: the feeling of ugliness, stupidity, I'm fat (even though I'm about 110) and anything else I can't think of. On top of that, I have social awkwardness, social anxiety, a lot of forgetfulness, multiple insecurities, as well as failing math still.
I haven't so much as touched my computer in over a month or two now. Everything I do is on my iPad. I hope no hopes of reclaiming my PC. I've lost my touch for helping as well and have become... aggressive. I get angry over things I shouldn't and I don't know why. That's why I have been avoiding the server on MineChat. The last few times I was there I was close to saying things that would have been rude.
I've done things others might consider something to be proud of. I've been a helper once for a while on this amazing server, which I know a lot of people want to be or do, as well as get top on Notable Members for Posts, Likes, and Points.
To others, it might show dedication. To me, it shows my addiction. My addiction to the internet so I don't have to focus on life worries. I stress over a lot of things recently. My depression gets slightly worse every day, chasing me around an endless abyss of torture.
So, this is most likely my final goodbye. I'm not going to be on a lot. Besides, you guys don't need me. I've seen plenty of others still helping around. Others I can still sense don't like me: a few of them I once considered friends. I've been pushing myself away so much like all my other friends I grew to know and my old accomplishments forever gone in my memory.
My life hasn't felt complete. Sure, I've successfully written a few fanfic somewhere, got 250+ followers on a website, had YouTubers favorite and retweet my posts on Twitter, but nothing's felt right anymore. A few of you guys know this already, but to those of you who don't, I have depression. My depression doesn't do that much stuff. I don't cut, or think about suicide... well, I think about it but have no intentions on doing so.
My depression causes me to stress out a lot. When I get stressed I begin to pull my hair out, one by one, making it difficult for me to fight off the depression when my hair is so uneven. My depression gives me the usuals: the feeling of ugliness, stupidity, I'm fat (even though I'm about 110) and anything else I can't think of. On top of that, I have social awkwardness, social anxiety, a lot of forgetfulness, multiple insecurities, as well as failing math still.
I haven't so much as touched my computer in over a month or two now. Everything I do is on my iPad. I hope no hopes of reclaiming my PC. I've lost my touch for helping as well and have become... aggressive. I get angry over things I shouldn't and I don't know why. That's why I have been avoiding the server on MineChat. The last few times I was there I was close to saying things that would have been rude.
I've done things others might consider something to be proud of. I've been a helper once for a while on this amazing server, which I know a lot of people want to be or do, as well as get top on Notable Members for Posts, Likes, and Points.
To others, it might show dedication. To me, it shows my addiction. My addiction to the internet so I don't have to focus on life worries. I stress over a lot of things recently. My depression gets slightly worse every day, chasing me around an endless abyss of torture.
So, this is most likely my final goodbye. I'm not going to be on a lot. Besides, you guys don't need me. I've seen plenty of others still helping around. Others I can still sense don't like me: a few of them I once considered friends. I've been pushing myself away so much like all my other friends I grew to know and my old accomplishments forever gone in my memory.
