Steal and Protect the Diamond!

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I made you barf the diamond then stole it and put it my chamber with lasers and thingys...
 
Being an elf I have dem bad a* skillz I dogged all the lasers and stuff like awesome James Bond. I hid the diamond in my mind. Aka imgenation world where you could easily get stuck in a nightmare or a beautiful dream where you would forget what u are meant to do in the first place.
 
Being an elf I have dem bad a* skillz I dogged all the lasers and stuff like awesome James Bond. I hid the diamond in my mind. Aka imgenation world where you could easily get stuck in a nightmare or a beautiful dream where you would forget what u are meant to do in the first place.
Using my telepathic cat abilities I randomly seek for the nearest corrupted mind besides mine.
While strolling through @stelth_elf007's thoughts I discovered a large solid gold cauldron.
I take the cauldron, but then get caught by a dangerous storm of nightmares.
Speaking to the darkness, I convince it to leave, and in exchange I would give it form outside the prison of the mind it was entrapped in.
But deceitful as I am, I entrapped it in a magic briefcase, cursed to kill its user within a week of touching the handle.
I then deposit this briefcase in an alleyway where a man named Fernando Madriz finds it and, because of the curse, dies.
He leaves his house, and all its contents, to his son, Jeffery.
Jeffery goes through the belongings and finds the briefcase inside of a large golden cauldron.
He touches the handle and opens it up, only to find it filled with violent images of his father's death.
Sickened, he drops it in the cauldron and digs a large hole in the back yard.
He then buries the cauldron and briefcase all together, hoping to never see either of them.
He of course is doomed to die anyways, and he wont.
But just as he starts throwing dirt back in the hole, a large, white, paragon diamond spills out of the briefcase.
 
I find and grab the diamond out of the briefcase and hide it in a box within a box within another box and so on and so forth!
 
I dig through the boxes, remembering last Christmas. I remember I got lots of melons for Christmas. Melons reminds me of a good place to hide the diamond. I hide the diamond in a melon. The melon is in a room with a door that will only open if you say one of Marlon Webb's watermelon vines.
 
I say the stupid vine that I felt like dieting in side. Then I take the diamond and hid it in the deepest of deepest of earths secrets where not a living soul can get in. No spirit can enter either or they turn into a forgers weithering flower.
 
I just walked on there and took the diamond, cause honestly I am a demon.

I dropped the diamond in that one place while I was going to get some Taco Bell, woops!
 
I try to rob the jewelry store but fail miserably, so I trained to be spy and found the diamond. When I was about to steal it I was caught once again! I was so mad. Once again I try but this time I use an cape that makes me fade away at midnight. So, at 11:30 I drive to the store and steal it, this time I did not fail! So then instead of selling the diamond to my creepy uncle, I hide it. But I had to get rid of half my soul to witch. Then I put the diamond in anime. Mwahhaaa!!!!
 
With My Magically Cat Powers I Summoned Steven's Lion (Steven Universe) To Teleport Me Into The Anime To Get The Diamond And Then I Hid The Diamond In Lion's Majestical Fur Where You Can Only Breath In There For 5 Seconds And Then Go Back To The Real World
 
With My Magically Cat Powers I Summoned Steven's Lion (Steven Universe) To Teleport Me Into The Anime To Get The Diamond And Then I Hid The Diamond In Lion's Majestical Fur Where You Can Only Breath In There For 5 Seconds And Then Go Back To The Real World
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I felt like dieting in side
....
Is that a synonym or a pun.
What is this.
I'm so confused.

I try to rob the jewelry store but fail miserably, so I trained to be spy and found the diamond. When I was about to steal it I was caught once again! I was so mad. Once again I try but this time I use an cape that makes me fade away at midnight. So, at 11:30 I drive to the store and steal it, this time I did not fail! So then instead of selling the diamond to my creepy uncle, I hide it. But I had to get rid of half my soul to witch. Then I put the diamond in anime. Mwahhaaa!!!!
Through my network of my exuberant anime friends, I learn that the diamond is hiding in anime.
I convince Gildarts to use his crash magic on the diamond and hide each piece in a different place on earth.
I also hide one piece in each one of my underpants.
 
Coincidentally, I was traveling the world that day!
In a matter of a week, I had already collected all of the diamond shards (including one I found in a pair of underpants near a thrift shop) and superglued them together. Good as new, right?

I threw the diamond in a trash can and quickly forgot about it.
 
I was walking around until some of my idiot friends decided to throw a random trash at me. Unknwoningly they picked up the diamond and threw it right at my head. I was knocked out and when I woke up I found the diamond in my hand. Untouched. So, with Rage. I decided to rip my friends heart and replace it with the diamond. Burying them near the god of deaths throne. He promised me that he would let no one get near it unless at the price of the thing that they value the most, their life of the spirit and soul and mind, and the truth of if they went there on their own free will.
 
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