Look, before I go through all this, don't tell me things like "get back together" or anything like that, unless you genuinely think that it would be a better idea for me...
I've dated a guy around my age long distance for a few months and I recently broke up with him a few days ago. Nothing went wrong between us, but we were both in another community and I took things too far and lashed out at someone. He never defended me for my wrong actions, but he always understood why I did it. He understood me and I understood him. We were open books to each other and we wanted to be together forever. When I lashed out at someone, I used horrific words that I shouldn't have (worse than the f bomb, trust me...), as I was sick of being pushed around by the person.
The guy, he really cared about me and understood how I lashed out. I'm bipolar and I've got other problems I'd rather not share, I don't use this as an excuse, but my issues are a reason for my behavior. There's a difference between reasoning, and making excuses, remember that.
If you know me well, then you know that I can be a total ____ (fill the blanks, let your imagination go wild) at times, but I do make efforts to be nicer to people. People think I'm toxic, which I probably am... but I've showed so much respect to everyone who showed me it, especially him... I'd had a few problems with others, which he was understanding with, but a few days ago, I felt I crossed the line.
I loved him so much... I still do... but I felt it was best to end things. I'd been struggling the last few days of our relationship and I was having doubts, for many reasons. I'm too scared to tell anyone I'm bisexual, I'm too insecure, long distance wasn't cutting it, I wanted to SEE him in person...
I broke up with him because I wasn't coping, and because I felt guilty that he was associated with such a ____ (again, let your imagination go wild), I just didn't think it was fair for him to be with someone everyone hated. He accepted me for who I was, but I just didn't feel accepted. It's sad, because I felt so happy, and I let everything go because I couldn't forgive myself for who I am.
Now... I feel really guilty as he hasn't responded to me at all, after I told him, word in that community got around fairly quickly and everyone knew... I wanted it to be quiet, but we literally won a "community award" for "best community ship" and "best community couple"... like, everyone thought we were the best couple/ship... I mean literally everyone basically figured out we liked each other before it happened... but...
Okay, the point is that I really want to talk to him, but I just feel so bad. I feel like he hates me, hasn't responded to ANYTHING I've said in any chats, or in pms. I still love him, but I don't know if it's worth loving someone if they don't want to associate with me. I want to talk to him, but I feel I can't. I don't know what to do and I'm literally so lost. I know I shouldn't have left him if I loved him... but we've all felt guilty about things we've done before, right? I told him so many times how he deserves better and that I don't deserve to be with him. I've felt worthless, but I felt like I was worth something...
I want to be with him again, but I don't think it's a good idea, and if it was, then it's too soon.
I don't know what to do... I really don't.
Staff, if this isn't allowed for some reason, delete this, please don't warn me... I'm trying not to break the rules, I'm just so upset and I need to let it out.
I'm not writing this for attention... I just want your thoughts on what you'd do if you were in this situation... thank you...
I've dated a guy around my age long distance for a few months and I recently broke up with him a few days ago. Nothing went wrong between us, but we were both in another community and I took things too far and lashed out at someone. He never defended me for my wrong actions, but he always understood why I did it. He understood me and I understood him. We were open books to each other and we wanted to be together forever. When I lashed out at someone, I used horrific words that I shouldn't have (worse than the f bomb, trust me...), as I was sick of being pushed around by the person.
The guy, he really cared about me and understood how I lashed out. I'm bipolar and I've got other problems I'd rather not share, I don't use this as an excuse, but my issues are a reason for my behavior. There's a difference between reasoning, and making excuses, remember that.
If you know me well, then you know that I can be a total ____ (fill the blanks, let your imagination go wild) at times, but I do make efforts to be nicer to people. People think I'm toxic, which I probably am... but I've showed so much respect to everyone who showed me it, especially him... I'd had a few problems with others, which he was understanding with, but a few days ago, I felt I crossed the line.
I loved him so much... I still do... but I felt it was best to end things. I'd been struggling the last few days of our relationship and I was having doubts, for many reasons. I'm too scared to tell anyone I'm bisexual, I'm too insecure, long distance wasn't cutting it, I wanted to SEE him in person...
I broke up with him because I wasn't coping, and because I felt guilty that he was associated with such a ____ (again, let your imagination go wild), I just didn't think it was fair for him to be with someone everyone hated. He accepted me for who I was, but I just didn't feel accepted. It's sad, because I felt so happy, and I let everything go because I couldn't forgive myself for who I am.
Now... I feel really guilty as he hasn't responded to me at all, after I told him, word in that community got around fairly quickly and everyone knew... I wanted it to be quiet, but we literally won a "community award" for "best community ship" and "best community couple"... like, everyone thought we were the best couple/ship... I mean literally everyone basically figured out we liked each other before it happened... but...
Okay, the point is that I really want to talk to him, but I just feel so bad. I feel like he hates me, hasn't responded to ANYTHING I've said in any chats, or in pms. I still love him, but I don't know if it's worth loving someone if they don't want to associate with me. I want to talk to him, but I feel I can't. I don't know what to do and I'm literally so lost. I know I shouldn't have left him if I loved him... but we've all felt guilty about things we've done before, right? I told him so many times how he deserves better and that I don't deserve to be with him. I've felt worthless, but I felt like I was worth something...
I want to be with him again, but I don't think it's a good idea, and if it was, then it's too soon.
I don't know what to do... I really don't.
Staff, if this isn't allowed for some reason, delete this, please don't warn me... I'm trying not to break the rules, I'm just so upset and I need to let it out.
I'm not writing this for attention... I just want your thoughts on what you'd do if you were in this situation... thank you...