I`ll put you in for next month, any team mate (opposite gender) or district requests?not enough absol
she wants meI`ll put you in for next month, any team mate (opposite gender) or district requests?
I would never kill my own child! Why would I bring you into this world and then take you out when I can raise you and eventually leech off you when I am an old lady in need of care. I mean I love you my son.@Bheryl thanks.
Thank you!-3- I just want to say I'd never have my guard down as to let someone stab me in the back with a trident especially since it is such a slow weapon. Anyway this was still greatGood job
So this "story" randomly came past my eyes and I randomly decided to share my opinion about this. I'm warning you that my opinion is a bit different from others'.
Firstly, never write a story that way. You just cannot write whole story in the same sentence style. As I saw some people saying this is "creative", only thing which can be considered creative here is a betrayal from a teammate.
Secondly, never forget about emotions. You can't just write "he got killed" or "she ran away". Where are emotions? Reader can't feel the story or empathize the characters of the story without the colourful description of events. Otherwise, the story is just raw. Even text translation of a hockey match has more emotions, to be honest.
Lastly, don't try to compress an-hour-long story into a 15-minute one. Don't be afraid to divide your story into different parts! It may take longer, but sure it'll be worth it.
I'm not saying you're a bad writer, maybe this has been your first experience of writing stories. If that's what you want to do, just don't give up! We all learn from mistakes, and I just thought I could help you and point them out. Good luck with your future stories!
@KittyHasEggnog
The thing is, it's just a generator I got off the internet, the writing is in no way mine, it's just the name I put in it. Thanks for your opinion thoughSo this "story" randomly came past my eyes and I randomly decided to share my opinion about this. I'm warning you that my opinion is a bit different from others'.
Firstly, never write a story that way. You just cannot write whole story in the same sentence style. As I saw some people saying this is "creative", only thing which can be considered creative here is a betrayal from a teammate.
Secondly, never forget about emotions. You can't just write "he got killed" or "she ran away". Where are emotions? Reader can't feel the story or empathize the characters of the story without the colourful description of events. Otherwise, the story is just raw. Even text translation of a hockey match has more emotions, to be honest.
Lastly, don't try to compress an-hour-long story into a 15-minute one. Don't be afraid to divide your story into different parts! It may take longer, but sure it'll be worth it.
I'm not saying you're a bad writer, maybe this has been your first experience of writing stories. If that's what you want to do, just don't give up! We all learn from mistakes, and I just thought I could help you and point them out. Good luck with your future stories!
@KittyHasEggnog
The thing is, it's just a generator I got off the internet, the writing is in no way mine, it's just the name I put in it. Thanks for your opinion though
Ty!i just wanted to add I personally don't think it should matter if theirs emotion or not its still great
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