I hate this feeling I get, please I need advise.

[APerson]

This could just be the depressed night-time me talking but..

I'm a female, born in a religious family who hate the LGBTQ+ community with a passion. Whenever a LGBTQ+ scene shows up in a movie/series/show they say that the movie/series/show was good up until that moment, and immediately skip it and are just generally disgusted by it.

Everyday I have daydreams of me as a guy being with another guy, but once someone snaps me out of the daydream I feel this small sting. I role-play as gay guys ALL the time, never girls. And when I role-play as a guy, I feel joyful and happy.

I want to be transgender and I want to be homosexual. {Not like surgery or anything, I just want to look like a guy and be referred to as one.}

But I know my parents would NEVER let me. And I try to tell myself it's not that big of a deal and that being a girl isn't so bad, but I just can't. I wish I could be a gay guy, but I could never try to tell my parents that. They'd tell me it's satan talking, and tell me to stop listening to him and that he's corrupting me. And hey, maybe he is corrupting me. I'm still young, but all I know is I have a hole that I can't fill. It's hard to describe, but I just... Sometimes I just wish that I was born a guy instead. I honestly don't even trust myself anymore, do I really want to be a guy or not? Sometimes I do feel happy as a girl, but most of the time I prefer guy.. I'm so confused with myself.

I believe in my religion and I am religious, but in my religion being LGBTQ+ especially Transgender and Gay are big time sins. I'm scared of what would happen if I even tried to be Trans or Gay, I'm scared if just by having thoughts of it now I'd be sent to Hellfire.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just forget it and say it'll never happen, or risk my parents hating me for the rest of my life and going to Hell after life for it.

I need advise and I don't know where to turn, so I went here. This is basically the only community I feel I can open up to, more than I can with my family. I know this community is extremely supportive of LGBTQ+ and has a lot of LGBTQ+ people, so if you were or used to be in my situation what would you do? I know a lot of you will probably say to just tell them, but it's not that easy. It's so hard for me to just talk to them about personal stuff like anxiety already {Which they still don't know I have}, I freeze up when I think about trying to talk to them about this.
; ` ;

 

[.Am.]

I can't give much advice since I'm awful at that sort of stuff but I do have one thing to say;
If you ever want to come out I suggest doing it when you've moved out and are stable money-wise or have friends willing to let you stay with them if need be.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this and I hope things get better < 3

 

[KinqOfTheClouds]

Do you have any close friends that could help you out? Anyone that isn't homo/transphobic?

I want to be transgender and I want to be homosexual.

It isn't about wanting to be transgender. No body wants to be transgender, feel dysphoria, etc.

I'm not going to tell you what you are and aren't, but I feel like, based off of what you said above, you may be gender queer.

I wouldn't recommend telling them until you are old enough to move out or safe enough to go somewhere else (i.e university or live with friends).

 

[squid legend]

I've got nothing to tell you if you believe in that religon.
If you don't actually believe in it, then okay I might be able to, but hey don't want to start an arguement by saying "ur religion is bad if it is against LGBT+"
but if you ever like stop believing because... reasons or somethin., then that'd probably be a better state to be able to do that in.
Basically religion is the deciding factor here.

 

[MorphicDream]

You sound like you are on a road to discovery, sometimes the road is hard and sometimes you might want to give up and take the easy road. No matter what you choose you need to surround yourself in people that are accepting of you as you and not as whatever society deems you are. Its a tough road and the fact you reached out here means you are strong which is good. Religion may be part of it but you need to fit your own skin. I agree with everyone above if you ever do come out to your family you need to be in a place where you are in control of the rent etc. Be strong and remember that you aren't the only one in the world that's going through this.

 

[aiden]

I want to be transgender and I want to be homosexual.

reiterating a previous reply, it isn't really a matter of wanting to be. it is who you are. be who you are comfortable being, but don't tell them (again, reiterating) until you are safe and they cannot do anything to affect your life.