hey there, you.
recovery isn't always gonna go uphill all the way.
(even though it'd be so much nicer)
there could be a bump in the road... or a boulder...
actually, it feels more like mount everest. Or the grand canyon.
but that's kinda sorta normal and okay.
and you're kinda sorta normal and okay.
we're all kinda sorta normal and okay
okay?
I know you don't believe me.
I lie to myself all the time, saying positive things about myself I don't mean.
Because yea, it hurts and the world's freaking dark and out for you. Maybe it isn't fine. This isn't okay.
But to quote my favorite movie of all time,
Because I guess we're all kinda not okay. You're struggling. I know it.
It hurts me to see you not being okay. It hurts to not be okay.
Anxiety and depression and everything that falls inbetween are ruthless
murderous
cold-blooded
unforgiving
maybe I'm just going on and on. maybe there is nothing to live for. maybe I shouldn't be giving positive advice when I'm in a therapy residential home for a suicide attempt battling ptsd and being a loser.
But if you'd care to listen for just a little more, I swear I can... prove to... the both of us... that we can be happy.
Because I believe you, you are worth saving, no matter what.
I really do. I love you. I love every human being in this freaking world, and you're no less. I know that just because I love you doesn't mean you love yourself- so I think... I wanna change that.
I wanna make you love yourself, and it's gonna be a journey.
But the first step is starting.
So right now, I want you to go up to the closest mirror and imagine yourself as somebody else.
Imagine that is your best friend, or the love of your life, or your brother or sister, or... a stranger, even.
And I want you to tell them you love them.
I'll wait. Get up now. Turn on your webcam or your phone camera, even.
Say it out loud. Watch yourself mouth it-
Did you do it?
hey, did that stranger/sibling/love of my life/best friend just say that they love me?
Heck yea they did!
But.. that's one thing. You might have had to lie to yourself... I know I have. I just did it now, that mirror thing. I kinda had to clench my teeth afterwards and feel really weird and guilty but... I did it, and hopefully you did too... hmm....
I want you to be happy. I want to be happy, too.
And, with that, I'll quote a Bo Burnham song I like.
❝Now the show is done
I hope that you had gut-trembling or something resembling fun....❞
❝But if you hated it, that's fair
But either way, could you find a little more time for a parting questionnaire?❞
❝On a scale from one to zero, are you happy?
'Cause you're on your own from here, so are you happy?
I'm open to suggestions, are you happy?
But what kind of question is "Am I happy?"❞
❝I really wanna try to get happy
And I think that I could get it if I didn't always
Panic every time I'm unhappy, like,❞
❝So if you know or ever knew how to be happy
On a scale from one to two now, are you happy?"❞
So... are you happy?
It's okay if you aren't.
I don't think I am either.
But if we could both just give to each other, and to the rest of the world, and try our hardest....
I think we can win.
I think it'd be worth it.
And this is coming from a suicidal, abused, anxious, loser who... is about as happy as you.
And I think we can do it.
Let's just do it
one step
at a time.
I love you. -Chrys
recovery isn't always gonna go uphill all the way.
(even though it'd be so much nicer)
there could be a bump in the road... or a boulder...
actually, it feels more like mount everest. Or the grand canyon.
but that's kinda sorta normal and okay.
and you're kinda sorta normal and okay.
we're all kinda sorta normal and okay
okay?
I know you don't believe me.
I lie to myself all the time, saying positive things about myself I don't mean.
Because yea, it hurts and the world's freaking dark and out for you. Maybe it isn't fine. This isn't okay.
But to quote my favorite movie of all time,
Because I guess we're all kinda not okay. You're struggling. I know it.
It hurts me to see you not being okay. It hurts to not be okay.
Anxiety and depression and everything that falls inbetween are ruthless
murderous
cold-blooded
unforgiving
maybe I'm just going on and on. maybe there is nothing to live for. maybe I shouldn't be giving positive advice when I'm in a therapy residential home for a suicide attempt battling ptsd and being a loser.
But if you'd care to listen for just a little more, I swear I can... prove to... the both of us... that we can be happy.
Because I believe you, you are worth saving, no matter what.
I really do. I love you. I love every human being in this freaking world, and you're no less. I know that just because I love you doesn't mean you love yourself- so I think... I wanna change that.
I wanna make you love yourself, and it's gonna be a journey.
But the first step is starting.
So right now, I want you to go up to the closest mirror and imagine yourself as somebody else.
Imagine that is your best friend, or the love of your life, or your brother or sister, or... a stranger, even.
And I want you to tell them you love them.
I'll wait. Get up now. Turn on your webcam or your phone camera, even.
Say it out loud. Watch yourself mouth it-
Did you do it?
hey, did that stranger/sibling/love of my life/best friend just say that they love me?
Heck yea they did!
But.. that's one thing. You might have had to lie to yourself... I know I have. I just did it now, that mirror thing. I kinda had to clench my teeth afterwards and feel really weird and guilty but... I did it, and hopefully you did too... hmm....
I want you to be happy. I want to be happy, too.
And, with that, I'll quote a Bo Burnham song I like.
❝Now the show is done
I hope that you had gut-trembling or something resembling fun....❞
❝But if you hated it, that's fair
But either way, could you find a little more time for a parting questionnaire?❞
❝On a scale from one to zero, are you happy?
'Cause you're on your own from here, so are you happy?
I'm open to suggestions, are you happy?
But what kind of question is "Am I happy?"❞
❝I really wanna try to get happy
And I think that I could get it if I didn't always
Panic every time I'm unhappy, like,❞
❝So if you know or ever knew how to be happy
On a scale from one to two now, are you happy?"❞
So... are you happy?
It's okay if you aren't.
I don't think I am either.
But if we could both just give to each other, and to the rest of the world, and try our hardest....
I think we can win.
I think it'd be worth it.
And this is coming from a suicidal, abused, anxious, loser who... is about as happy as you.
And I think we can do it.
Let's just do it
one step
at a time.
I love you. -Chrys
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