So around a year ago I wrote a slam poem about my depression. At this point in time I hadnt talked to ANYBODY about my mental health. Now, my close friends know and my parents and brother do too. And im recovering! (Yayyyyy) My mental state is drastically better than it was when i wrote this. Im still struggling, but now i have other to lean on instead of leaning on myself alone. I had completely forgotten about this poem and decided to share it I guess?
But please remember that this was a very dark time for me and I do NOT tink this now haaahahahah so yeah enjoy I guess. (This was made around september of last year btw)
Its not the best but eh too bad deal with it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My parents and my friends and my family assume I'm fine because I show no sign of suffering. Or pain Or depression or suicide or anything that makes me who I am. And I go along with it. I say I'm fine but no one even asks because no one even cares of what's going on inside me. No one opens my bedroom doors no one tries to look for more of my deepest thoughts. Because no one cares.
When I wake up at 2 am do I see anyone standing beside me NO. WHY? Because everyone thinks I'm fine. Because I put on a smile and walk out of the bedroom doors that no one else walks through and act like I am normal. Then maybe I'll trick myself into being normal like everyone else thinks I'm supposed to be. Like I'm alive. But no one cares that inside I am dying. Inside I am dead. Just waiting for someone to open up the chambers of my heart to give it a little TLC and make me new again. But no one does. Why? Because no one cares.
I go to school everyday and look around at all of the perfect people and think "is anyone else going through what I am?" No, because they are perfect and like every other stereotypical person out there and they have no troubles. They are the "normal"s.
I try to be perfect, I try to be like them. But every time I try I fall short of the unrealistically high bar set for me.
And I get criticized because they think that somehow helps me with my self esteem that is already all the way down here. Because perfect people don't get hurt. Getting hurt is for people like me. The people who fall down. The people who are weak. The people who don't have everything they've ever wanted. The people who aren't perfect. The people like me.
I'm DEPRESSED can't you see that? WHY can't you see that? .....Oh right. Because no one cares.
No one even bothers to take a second glance at my eyes. LOOK at my eyes! My eyes that shine with fake happiness that is easy to see through if you actually tried to look. But no one does. Why? Because no one cares.
They only care about the "trends" and appearances. The way I dress doesn't fit their standards. My body doesn't fit
their standards. My hair doesn't fit their standards. Nothing ever does. Because I'm not perfect like them.
I walk through this world in a trance of darkness yet no one notices. COME ON GUYS it's not that hard to see! Just stop and look at me and see the sadness that swirls in my eyes everyday. I guess I'm a master of disguise. Cause no one ever hears my sighs, no one ever sees me cry. But no one tries to look. Why? Because no one cares.
I'd open up if you showed interest, stop telling me that you listen because you don't. I've tried talking before and you slammed that door in my face.
I could keep going telling you the stories of people who have shut me out. They didn't want to hear about the intoxicating sadness swelling up inside of me. So I stopped trying. Why? Because no one cares. And no one ever will.
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Oml im cringing at myself THIS IS SO BAD HAHAHAHAAHHA
But please remember that this was a very dark time for me and I do NOT tink this now haaahahahah so yeah enjoy I guess. (This was made around september of last year btw)
Its not the best but eh too bad deal with it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My parents and my friends and my family assume I'm fine because I show no sign of suffering. Or pain Or depression or suicide or anything that makes me who I am. And I go along with it. I say I'm fine but no one even asks because no one even cares of what's going on inside me. No one opens my bedroom doors no one tries to look for more of my deepest thoughts. Because no one cares.
When I wake up at 2 am do I see anyone standing beside me NO. WHY? Because everyone thinks I'm fine. Because I put on a smile and walk out of the bedroom doors that no one else walks through and act like I am normal. Then maybe I'll trick myself into being normal like everyone else thinks I'm supposed to be. Like I'm alive. But no one cares that inside I am dying. Inside I am dead. Just waiting for someone to open up the chambers of my heart to give it a little TLC and make me new again. But no one does. Why? Because no one cares.
I go to school everyday and look around at all of the perfect people and think "is anyone else going through what I am?" No, because they are perfect and like every other stereotypical person out there and they have no troubles. They are the "normal"s.
I try to be perfect, I try to be like them. But every time I try I fall short of the unrealistically high bar set for me.
And I get criticized because they think that somehow helps me with my self esteem that is already all the way down here. Because perfect people don't get hurt. Getting hurt is for people like me. The people who fall down. The people who are weak. The people who don't have everything they've ever wanted. The people who aren't perfect. The people like me.
I'm DEPRESSED can't you see that? WHY can't you see that? .....Oh right. Because no one cares.
No one even bothers to take a second glance at my eyes. LOOK at my eyes! My eyes that shine with fake happiness that is easy to see through if you actually tried to look. But no one does. Why? Because no one cares.
They only care about the "trends" and appearances. The way I dress doesn't fit their standards. My body doesn't fit
their standards. My hair doesn't fit their standards. Nothing ever does. Because I'm not perfect like them.
I walk through this world in a trance of darkness yet no one notices. COME ON GUYS it's not that hard to see! Just stop and look at me and see the sadness that swirls in my eyes everyday. I guess I'm a master of disguise. Cause no one ever hears my sighs, no one ever sees me cry. But no one tries to look. Why? Because no one cares.
I'd open up if you showed interest, stop telling me that you listen because you don't. I've tried talking before and you slammed that door in my face.
I could keep going telling you the stories of people who have shut me out. They didn't want to hear about the intoxicating sadness swelling up inside of me. So I stopped trying. Why? Because no one cares. And no one ever will.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oml im cringing at myself THIS IS SO BAD HAHAHAHAAHHA
