13 Reasons Why... I hate baths.
You may ask, Diz, what has a bath ever done to you? well you know what, a bath ate my dog once.
1) First and foremost, you're actually bathing in your own dirt and sweat.
2) Like actually. The stuff you're trying to clean yourself from is surrounding you and most likely staying on you.
3) Baths themselves are so gross? Who knows what kind of dirt and bacteria has been collecting there while you're going about your daily life? Especially if your toilet is in the same room as the bath.
4) Don't you waste so much water with baths...? Like a two minute shower should be sufficient, no?
5) What am I supposed to do while I'm sitting in the bath? Get out? No, that's a waste of water. Should I read a book or play on my phone, risking dropping them in the water??
6) When is it time to get out? When the water is freezing yet warmer than the air outside the bath? If there was a teleportation device to take me from the bath to my bed that would be better thank you.
7) Washing my hair is so difficult. Putting all the shampoo and soap in, and then having to grapple around like a mermaid in a fish tank trying to swoosh all the soap out.
8) Literally my baths are so hot, like you have to have them hot, not warm. But when you're sitting there and getting all hot and your face starts sweating. I always get massive headaches after taking a bath and have to drink like a gallon of water.
9) Most of the times, baths aren't even the right size. I want to roll around like a majestic mermaid, I don't want to have to stick my feet up like that dude in that one Dr Seuss book that has a bed that's too small for him.
10) When you lower yourself into the bath, your feet are in pain and you know it's going to burn your butt up like a sausage on a barbecue but you might as well sit down quickly and get the pain over and done with like a bandaid, right?
11) What am I supposed to do with the water that creeps into my ears while I'm submerged during my under water journey? I can't just sit there after my bath throwing my head back and forth to get the water out my ears, now can I?
12) Can we all just agree that the worst noise in the world is the water going down the drain? Like maybe apart from the flushing of an airplane toilet (which can I say traumatised me for life as a child), it honestly sounds like the screaming of cats.
13) no I am not apologising for the title of this thread
Because when it comes down to either me taking a bath or not cleaning myself at all, this dog is me
